Digital Audit
There is no room for mediocrity in the future. We will forensically retire your incumbent agency. Piece by ickle piece individually wrapped in powerpoint slides.
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Hope in
the darkness
Forensically
good PPC & SEO
About us
PPC & SEO TO MAKE YOU SMILE AND THEM CRY
We will make
you famous.
We help aspiring ecommerce companies parade the bodies of their competition whilst swimming in money, through PPC, Paid Social and SEO. Success is not just for the rich. It’s for the people and dark horses that we make rich.
Story
01 Where it all began
A blight ravaged the land, the plague offering early salvation to the suffering fortunate
An incessant, torturing, ambient drum beating to the grime and decay of Altrincham. Flickering neon the only light amongst the darkness, harking of seedy dens and siren flashes. You can almost taste the shadows, consume them. The lower levels of small business languished in this violent, turbulent and polluted basin.
Worse, it always
fucking rained
02
The streets are crowded every holiday even with the pouring rain
Hidden in the gloom is chaos – the competition – waiting to strike weak businesses with snake-like speed and deadliness.
But we’re there, too. Watching. Waiting to strike back. Years of nights have turned us into a nocturnal animal, picking our targets carefully.
03
When that light hits the sky.
It’s not just a call, it’s a warning; to them, to the competition. Fear is a tool. They think we’re hiding in the shadows… but we are the shadows.
We weren’t
always this way.
04
They made us. We’re scarred, left broken and bruised time after time. High and low, we searched for digital help to raise us out of the pits. Every light of salvation, every promise made – lies to keep us down, wallowing in the dark. Pots of gold, clear skies, air to breathe, the key to the executive fucking bathroom; all the things the megacorps at the top enjoyed as standard always – just out of reach.
Fear is a tool
False dawns, all of them. They got jewels and broaches, we got fools and roaches
05
Lack of processes, Johnny-No-Skills and our bank credits blitzed on a post-spice comedown. It was hard to tell what was smoke and what was mirror. The agency execs at the top might care about search impression share and bounce rate but down here, in the dark, we need augs and conversions. They matter.
06
We became the change we wanted to see. We set out to right the wrongs of the digital industry world. We wear masks, not to hide who we are but, to create who we are.
We can do better than what the sleazy bureaucrats, mob bosses and digital agencies are doing.
We know how to deliver, to face the blight. The truth is out there, holding it in one hand and results in the other, we will steal top spots from our clients’ competition. Robin fucking Hood with masks.
We’ve grown. We’ve learned. With a score of experts on the front line, Dark Horse embraced the shadows, terrifying the competition and winning the online battle against those with bigger, deeper pockets.
07
The shadows may be dark but results are our truth
The shit agency element never sleeps. Looting and lawlessness run rampant in parts of the city no one can reach. We can see things will get worse before they get better, and some will seize the chance to grab everything they can.
08
We are starting to see now we have had an effect
but not the one intended
Vengeance won’t change the past, ours or anyone else’s. We have to become more, to give businesses the hope they need – to know an agency, know an incorruptible symbol is out there for them.
This city’s angry, scarred. Like us. Our scars can destroy us, even after the physical wounds have healed. But, if we can survive them, they can transform us. They can give us power. Help us stand and endure. Give us the strength to fight.
We are Dark Horse.
Expect us.
What we do
Dark Horse PPC is the answer
My current PPC agency are dogmess
Dark Horse SEO is the answer
We only enjoy an unsatisfying page 3 rank
Dark Horse Paid Social is the answer
We’re getting killed on socials. SOS
Dark Horse digital audits is the answer
I have no clue if my agency is shit or not
The Dark Forest
100k Tree
Challenge
Dark Horse is committed to creating The Dark Forest of 100,000 trees planted – that needs the size of Manchester Airport and surrounding area. For every client we work with, for every person who joins, we plant trees monthly. The Dark Forest is about offsetting the tremendous online uplift our clients receive. We are partly responsible for additional output, additional social media chatter, additional orders and sales – all of this increases the carbon footprint. Your success costs us environmentally. The Dark Forest is a place that eats up all that additional output and more. The black hole to the side effects of your company growth.
Whatever Dark Horse touches, we leave it in a better place than we found it.
Awards
We don’t buy
awards or logos
We exist to make you filthy stinking rich and give your lovely competition sleepless nights. We steal from them and give it to you. We don’t enter awards to prove our results. Our awards are clients renewing services. You’re not a partner or other marketing guff. You’re a client. We don’t have to be best mates.
We don’t have account managers, we have salespeople. We don’t label quotes as ‘investment’. You think you’re tired of agency fuckwittery, you should try being part of the industry.
Services
Our services
What we do
Charge too little.
Every day you continue with a shit agency or freelancer, you are burning your hard-earned money.
We also promise to NEVER have shite agency photos of our staff gathered round laptops pretending there is something on the screen “strategising”. Ralf. For that alone, Dark Horse has to be the choice for your brand.
PPC, Paid Social and SEO optimisation is for expert teams only. Elite TEAMS of different skillsets. We make good people rich and probably some evil ones too. Trickle down politics says it will get to good people eventually. We leave whatever we touch in a far better place than we find it.
We pull apart your competition’s online dominance and feed it to the vilest filth in hell. Once we have finished parading their limp cold lifeless bodies, we will dissect, autopsy and plant the giblets in fertile terra nova. From these fleshy seeds, we will burst forth with PPC returns, SEO results to give them a knee trembler and Paid Social returns to stand proud atop the digital biosphere of their corpses. We do a bit of drama too.
Paid Social
They haven’t got mortgages so why not take their savings instead of Netflix. Paid Social so startingly revolutionary that it could make Gen Z vote Tory with Kirsty Allsop as PM.
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SEO Service
The only thing you will get from page 3 is going blind. Law professional, Tracey 23, from Skegness says "No sales below my favourite position - number 1 of course!"
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PPC Service
PPC results to make you cry tears of joy. PPC results to make your competition cry. Period. Make a Martini out of them.
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Process
Our process
We are masters at driving highly targeted converting web traffic to your site.
We help you dominate your space by combining the below services. Think of Dark Horse as the blueprint to your online success. Every day you continue with a shit agency or freelancer, you are burning your hard earned money. PPC and SEO optimisation is for expert teams only.
01. SEO
02. PPC
03. Paid Social
People weve saved
people we’ve saved
After 12 months of using Dark Horse, you will have the following
-
More
customers -
Higher more
profitable sales -
A better
converting website